“WHY AND HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU SINGLE!?” Excuse me? Welcome to my life.
I read this somewhere few months ago and I was like Damn! People ask me the same question all the f***ing time and I told myself, I need to share my experience with all you lovely (single) ladies in your late twenties to tell you that YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! I am right here sailing the same boat just like you
I just turned 29 on the 8th of December 2018 and here's my journey and experience of being single at this age.
I know being single in your late 20s or early 30s seems like a big deal and honestly I won't deny it kinda is, especially when most of your friends are either married or dating someone and your Instagram feed is an endless documentation of weddings, honeymooning and even baby announcements, it’s quite normal to feel a void and on top of that when you've this society pressure of why you have not figured out your relationship status by now.
Trust me I know what it's like to be single in your almost 30s and let me tell you it's pretty great (well most of the time). I am still here trying to figure out what do I want or I would say what I don't want from a relationship. And today I want to talk about 'What Every Woman Needs To Know About Being Single In Her almost 30s.
So, Hello again, My name is Dixika and yes, I am 29 and I am (still) single.
But gladly I am not the only single one left in my group of friends some of my very close friends are single and available too (so Ladies and my dear Gentlemen let me know if you need more details about them I can set you up. Let me be the cupid. wink wink)
You know it's okay to feel lonely every now and then, to ask all sorts of questions like Why am i not able to find my soul mate yet?, Why am I still struggling to find the one?, Why is it taking forever in my journey to find True Love? These are a few things I hear regularly from my 30-something friends who are single and feeling frustrated, jealous and saddened because of it. Like it’s a code they can’t seem to crack.
Let me tell you about my journey to find Love, I've dated few guys in my 29 years of existence and trust me as i grew old there's one thing I realised that no relationship was ever a waste of time, if it didn't brought me what I wanted it sure taught me what I didn't want. I have been in a teenage relationship when i didn't even know what love was, a relationship where I was just in it because I thought that maybe this is what love is, a relationship where I was just fine with giving it a try and also and a relationship where I felt physical pain in my heart because I thought I can not live without this person but here I am Alive and kind of Happy. It does hurt after each breakup and it feels like we'll never be able to find love again but Listen to me YOU WILL. It might take months for some and years for few like me. I’d definitely say my last break-up which was nearly 5 years ago was the most significant in my life so far. It taught me so much about love and life in general. I am actually extremely grateful that some things didn't work out the way I once wanted them to.
When we were kids dating was so easy, You like someone-someone likes you and you get into a relationship to let it go with the flow but as you grow old and reach a certain age (especially with women) you become a little practical in love and life, you meet someone and try to observe them, their behaviour in public and private and then if they matches your way of living you decide to go on dates after dates with them before you call it a relationship. I hope you agree with me.
Honestly speaking I have been tempted in the past to get into a relationship with guys who aren’t a ‘hell yes’ just for the sake of settling down and guess where it ended... Duh! Another breakup. In life if you're (not) lucky you'll meet boys who'd want to hold your hand but not your heart, they'd show interest in knowing you out of curiosity and not because of genuine interest in you, so please keep your mind open and don't fall just for words, if the guy isn't justifying any of it through his actions. I have been in a 'We Almost Dated' kinda relationships a few times. Trust me Dating has become such an abstract concept to me. There's like 10 different levels of dating before you're actually dating, It's so confusing. It's so upsetting to see people misuse 'a highly sensitive emotion 'I Love You' like they're saying Sorry or Thank You. If you're one of them and reading this, Please, don't say it if you don't mean it or you're unsure of your feelings.
I am really old school when it comes to relationships. I still believe in fairytales and chivalry which is too out dated for the present generation. I know what Love is and I also know every person has their own definition of love. But I am here, waiting for the CLICK, if you know it means I am searching for someone who connects with my vibes. Not many people gets it when i say I am waiting for the natural connect, the vibes from a person, like I am waiting to meet someone I see for the first time and know that okay he is the one because your gut feeling tells you about it. That feeling of seeing someone again and again, talking just about anything and everything with that person, feeling excited to spend time with them, doing things for them because you want to not to prove anything or show the world how much you love this person
I am someone who always listens to her heart because every time I try to change that and listen to my head everything just gets messy and out of control and I end up hurting myself So one of the reason why I have been single all these years is because I want my heart to say yes for someone not my mind I don't want to be just another girl in someone's life if you want me you gotta show me you actually do.
Over the period of time I have realised that there are some things that are strict NO! for me in a relationship or you can call them a big Turn Off!
Disrespect of any kind: Insulting or abusing your partner in public or even in private is simply intolerable.
Ignorance: Damn this one is so not okay with me, I prefer when my partner tells me if he's mad at me or just don't want to talk for sometime maybe because he has his own issues to deal with but ignoring me without giving a reason is a strict No No!
Being lied to because I like to believe that I am a very understanding person and I can take the truth even if it hurts me and still if you're lying to me about anything then dude It's a red alert for me.
"I was born in the wrong generation. I live in the era of 'Netflix & Chill' that counts as a Date and some people referring to dating as talking. I live in an era where courting seems somewhat extinct. I live in an era of not wanting a title but still wanting relationship benefits. I personally thinks the 'Friends with Benefits' concepts rarely works out because going with the flow usually leads to one person developing stronger feelings and initiating the 'What are We?' conversation which then leads to the I am not ready for a commitment but I enjoy what we have and still want to chill with you." I think that's what new age relationships are.
I can literally go on and on about it but let's leave the details for another time another article
So to all my beautiful, incredible, oh-so-lovable ladies struggling to find THE ONE, before you settle for an ordinary relationship, please know that
You don't deserve someone who gives you mixed signals and leave you confused and lost thinking what is the relationship that the two of you share. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you it's simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do because if they're genuinely into you they will show you.
Also, There's no such thing as being completely ready. You're never going to feel like you've got everything all figured out. When you get to a place where you're little more excited than being afraid that's when you go for it. That's when you go all in, To hell with playing it safe. So after a Breakup, please give yourself time to heal because feeling what you are feeling is important, healing is important. But don't go into a shell, go out meet new people, hang out with your friends, chill with your family, do it all. Try new things new places with your single friends. You never know who you might meet and that’s just an added bonus. You never know who you might meet and that’s just an added bonus.
You are going to meet people who can not handle everything that you are. Learn to recognise them. Because when you are too much for them, they might just also be not enough for you.
I am a firm believer in Everything happens for a reason and not everyone you meet is suppose to stay forever in your life so accept the reality and don't give up.