"You can be a good person with a good heart and still say NO!"
Hey my darling readers, How are you all doing?
It's Monday Motivation time, so get yourself a cup of coffee and get ready to read this article. Today's topic is something that I am practising for a while now, the art of saying NO!.
It's not an easy task especially when you're a people pleaser like me. I am someone who's always up for helping others, its so hard for me to put myself first and say no to people because naturally I just want to be a nice person and be there for people. No to me just sounds mean, it makes me feel like I'm a selfish person. It's somewhat easier to say no to professional projects or work queries but when it comes to your people- family and friends, it's the hardest thing to do. But trust me you have to do it anyway, before people start taking you for granted.
I have always been there for people, no matter who they're if you want my brain or heart or my company to get something done, i'll be there literally a call away (sometimes just a text away) but over the past couple of months I have realised that people don't reciprocate that, not many people whom I've helped in almost every situation are doing the same for me. They are only offering me help while relaxing in their comfort zone. For example, there was a dear friend of mine who used to call me for everything, for career assistance, for personal issues, for just random chit chat and even when she needed company to go somewhere, she made me feel like I am a very very important part of her life and she is incomplete without me, and Trust me I was more than happy to help, no matter if I am willing or not, but it all changed when I started asking for it too, to accompany me to places, or help me with some work and things like that but to my surprise every time I asked her to help me out with something, she just made excuses or just simply said 'hey I can't help you today but I can help you sometime later, please manage this time.' I mean seriously? So initially I thought maybe she's genuinely busy, or she has something going on in her life and that's why she's not able to help me, she probably wasn’t able to respond to how I was feeling anyway, so I should strive to be the “better person.” and continue to help. And this is just one example, I have come across so many people in my life who have emotionally used me, have taken me for granted much more than once and It feels awful.
If you know me personally, you might know that I have little ego issues, and I don't usually ask for help, I try and get things done on my own, even if it take me much more time than expected or even if i have to go the struggles. However I was going through a rough patch in the past and I desperately needed support, need my people to stand by me and help me get through it. But, I realised that I am not even on no. 5 in their list of priorities and trust me guys I truly believe If you're not in the top 5 people in their priority list, there's no point being there in the list, because no matter how much they say they wanted to help you, they'll never be able to, because they have other things more important in their life. The people I thought will be there for me, with me through thick & thin, only talk to me when they can, not when I needed them and this repeated behaviour really hit me. I think it was my cue to walk out and help myself. I let so many excuses wear on for a really long time, until one day I realised I needed to make a change. I can't be the 'AT YOUR SERVICE' kind of a girl, JUST ONE CALL AWAY' Friend, I do help with my purest intentions but only those who appreciate and reciprocate, those who were there in my hard time without any conditions. I still help other people and Say YES! many times than I actually should but now I don't go out of my comfort zone to please them. I help when I could not always. It doesn't make me a bad human being and I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. I decided to change, and keep myself at priority and most importantly learnt to say NO without explaining myself because when I help with my heart I go above and beyond to make sure I give my 100%.
Trust me guys, it's okay to say No. You have every right to invest or not invest - your time, energy, emotions and (at times) money in someone's life. If you don't feel like helping, don't help, because if you help with no intentions it won't actually be a help, it's more like a formality. I don't do that, and I'd appreciate if you don't do that either. I honestly prefer helping strangers than the people I know, I think it's because you won't expect anything in return from the people you don't know. #basichumannature
They say that circumstances and experiences changes people. Do you Agree?
PS Dear friends, if you're reading this and if I've stopped showing interest in your life, and you're wondering why am I acting so strange. Kindly re-read this article and you'll know the reason!
Here are my 3 quick tips on how to say NO!
1. Choose your words carefully, know what you are going to say in advance. Be honest and straightforward.
2. Follow your intuition, listen to the voice that comes from within and know when to say No, because if you're suppose to say Yes for something, you'll instantly feel an excitement, if you don't feel that you know what to do.
3. Say NO in a nice way, where other people can understand, don't say maybe when you know you can't do it, just say NO. Don't let them count on you if you're not willing to help.
Alright! That was it for today's post let me know how you feel about this in the comments below, I would love to know If something like this ever happened to you?