Welcome to Twenty Seventeen. Wooh It feels like yesterday when I greeted you for 2016. I have been MIA for many reasons and today I am trying to talk about it with you all. I haven't been on my PC for about 7 weeks now which means I haven't been writing posts or working on anything. I have been meaning to write this post for a while now, it was resting my in drafts for months and I think It's time to edit a few things here and there, finish and click on the publish button.
I want to be 100% honest while writing this post, share about how i actually feel, but it's been really hard to be completely raw about my personal life especially here on internet for people to read it, because not only strangers can see it, there are people I know who would be reading it, including my friends and family. I have been going through a time of isolation to come to terms with who and what i was and what I am trying to become.
I have been going through a real rough phase for quite some time now. Work and performance pressure, responsibilities, friends, family, health, dreams and love. It's been a roller coaster ride all along and all I needed was some support from the people I love. since I was a little girl i have always been independent, doing things on my own, paying my own bills, working and studying on my own. All I ever wanted was to be appreciated and supported and honestly I have always been until last year. I have been an average person with whatever I have done in my life so far, nothing extraordinary and i have always been okay with that but I am a dreamer with so many little dreams
I have always kept my loved ones at priority, all this while I was quite occupied with being 'AT YOUR SERVICE' kind of a person, and I love doing things for them, i guess that's my nature. it never mattered to me earlier but lately i started to realize that there was no one I could count on who would treat me the way I treat them. If i didn't asked for something that doesn't mean i didn't deserve it. I am sure they have their side of story too, which might not be relateable to mine but I guess I am only responsible for my actions and words here, so I am trying to talk about it.
i used to question myself all the time. Why I am not their priority why do they not care, why don't they understand without me speaking about it. But enough! I decided to walk away. If they can't treat me the way i treat them, i don't want to stay there and hurt myself without anyone even noticing.
It's not an easy thing to do, it takes time, lot of practice and the right mindset. All this has taught me that I have to to be emotionally Independent and love my own company but that doesn't mean I don't need anyone in my life. I do, It's just that I have learnt to be okay if nobody is there for me or with me. I have ME! and trust me that is going to make a difference sooner or later.
I am trying to learn to be okay on my own, enjoy my own company, Actually I'm trying to be my own best friend.
There's a difference in being lonely and being alone. It's okay to be alone from time to time but its kind of sad to be lonely. I have been there. feeling alone and lonely at the same time and trust me i have experienced the most miserable phase of my life. During that time I wanted to talk to my friends about it or tell my family that I am hurt and alone, I never had the courage to do that as I never wanted them to think that I am complaining or anything of that sorts, even when I did tried talking about it I realized that I was only becoming more negative towards them.
I am under going a transition to be a better version of me and I am going at a pace of a turtle but I am strongly considering restarting on that path because I know it's never too late to start over.
So Yeah! That's a huge extremely personal update on my life and this means restarting with lot of things, you can now expect me to be a be a lot more active here, wish me luck.
and Happy New Year to all, May this year be the best one so far.